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Are Buff Girls Too Rough?

On this Open Mic Know Thyself Community Wednesday, a mother of a black boy in Buffalo worries that her son will end up with a white women because he is “scared of black girls.” The young boy says that he “loves the way black girls look, but they are just mean!” Join the conversation.

This African American mother has one rule in her house when it comes to her son’s dating: “If they can’t use your comb, don’t bring them home.”

As a person of mixed race, I personally find that statement offensive, as did many of our white listeners.  I aired it only to ignite this Know Thyself Community Conversation.

But this conversation about black girls being too aggressive and not as much in touch with their feminine side as white girls reminds me of a letter to the editor of Sister2Sister Magazine published back in 2000. Obviously the topic is still relevant 12 years later — sad but true. Check it out:

Sister2Sister Magazine

Dear Jamie: I’m sorry but I would like to challenge some of your Black male readers. I am a White female who is engaged to a good looking, educated and loving Black man. I just don’t understand a lot of Black females attitudes about our relationship. My man decided he wanted me because the pickings amongst Black women were slim to none. As he said they were either too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic or carrying too much excess baggage.

If Black women are so up in arms about us being with their men, why don’t they look at themselves and make some changes. Don’t be mad with us White women because so many of your men want us. Get your acts together and learn from us and we may lead you to treat your men better. If I’m wrong, Black men, let me know.

- Disgusted White Girl

And here’s a response:

Dear Jamie:

I would like to respond to the letter written by A Disgusted White Girl. Let me start by saying that I am a 28-year old black man.. I graduated from one of the most prestigious universities in Atlanta , Georgia with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Business Management. I have a good job at a major corporation and have recently purchased a house. So, I consider myself to be among the ranks of successful Black men. I will not use my precious time to slander white people. I just want to set the record straight of why Black men date white women. Back in the day, one of the biggest reasons why black men dated white women was because they were considered easy. The black girls in my neighborhood were raised in the church. They were very strict about when they lost their virginity and who they lost it to. Because of our impatience to wait, brothers would look for someone who would give it up easy without too much hassle. So, they turned to the white girls. Nowadays, in my opinion, a lot of brothers date white women because they are docile and easy to control. A lot of Black men, because of insecurities, fears, and overall weaknesses, have become intimidated by the strength of our Black women. We are afraid that our woman will be more successful than us, make more money than us, drive nicer cars and own bigger houses. Because of this fear, many Black men look for a more docile woman. Someone we can control. I have talked to numerous Black men and they continuously comment on how easy it is to control & walk over their white women. I just want to set the record straight. There are numerous white men, in and out of the spot light, who openly or secretly desire black women over white women. Ted Danson, Robert DeNiro, and David Bowie and Robin Thicke, to name a few. I just don’t want a disgusted white girl to be informed. Stop thinking that because you are 20 and white, you are some type of goddess. Remember, when Black Egyptian Queens like Hatsepshut and Nitorcris were ruling Dynasties and armies of men in Egypt , you were over in the caves of Europe eating raw meat and beating each other over the head with clubs. Read your history!

It was the Black woman that taught you how to cook and season your food. It was Black women who were breast feeding and raising your babies during slavery. It is the Black woman that had to endure watching their fathers, husbands, and children beaten, killed, and thrown in jail. And, through all this, Still They Rise! It is because of the Black women’s strength, elegance, power, love and beauty that I could never date anyone except my Black Queen. I think that your anger is really a result of you wanting to have what the black woman has. BOTTOM LINE: If I were looking for a docile woman, someone I can walk over and control, I would give you a call. But, unfortunately, I am looking for a Virtuous Woman.

Signed, Black Royalty

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